Priorities Over Options
If the phrase “Don’t make someone a priority when you are only their option” does not sound familiar to you, then you know what they say? Ignorance is indeed bliss.
I must apologize as its been too long since I’ve last written in. The world is changing with so much content being pushed around all over cyberspace and even for me , I find myself constantly guilty of absorbing this content rather intently and more often than I should not , letting it cloud my thoughts and voice and forget about my own individual insights. Simply speaking, its easy to lose yourself in transition.
Like the above example, I find the irony real and applicable to this little excerpt from of my life’s little milestone’s right now. A lot has changed in the last 8 months since I’ve gotten married. Suddenly the water bills, the housing loans and conservancy bills , the electricity bills, taxes, groceries, you name it, it all became more real at an alarming pace.
We were getting by but it was still a challenge to budget carefully and the thought or consideration of having a child was completely out the window.
Now at this point, I just want to highlight that THE VERY SECOND you consider having kids of your own, the MOMENT you start to picture its cute little baby hands and feet & imagine his/her giggle, thats it! its going to fuck up all forms of habitual thoughts that harbor about in your head.
Suddenly instead of drinking all the time, health becomes so important, you start scheduling yourself for health checks (You want to be healthy enough to play soccer with your kid right). Instead of buying junk that you would end up carouselling off, you start counting the little dollars and cents that you own, you open a bank account to save quietly on the side and then suddenly without any reason, without any warning or whatsoever.. It hits you like a bullet at break-neck speed..a loud CRACKKK to the sound of a shattering wine glass.
There’s a hushed silence all around your conscious mind before it softly raps your head over and over and over and over again. That you are starting to get prepared, to be a dad!
So after 3 years of working from home , I went back to work full time at a job which I’m thankful for, & enjoy with all my heart. While my job takes up a chunk of my day as it is. I understand that with the amount of responsibilities that I have on my hands and to do my job well , I had to learn to adapt fast, I had to learn how to be a workaholic .
It was clear that both Sarah & I were not used to the distance after working literally side by side for 3 long years but She was not only patient and understanding, she masked her discomfort and encouraged me to go hard and long everyday because she knew that If I noticed her pain, I might not be able to put all my heart into my work as I do now (however I have better time management skills which has been honed over time)
But while learning to manage my time, it soon became clear that I just didn’t have as much time or resources to give the same attention to everyone equally as before and inevitably, I begin to notice the silly things that people do or say despite all that you’ve done for or with them to effectively make you realize that you are not a priority to them but an merely an option if required. After some thought, I called it ‘ The friendcost revelation’ Which transcends to the moment where you realize the value of your friendship to another person is not cherished the same way as you do.
In simpler forms, your friend is a fucktart and you found out why.
Don’t get me wrong, your friend could be treating you like shit for years but as long as you haven’t had ‘the friendcost revelation yet’ you can’t get shit done/moving and its impossble to have any action plan and sadly, that is what happened to me. Why is it called the friendcost revelation? you might ask. the answer is simple. “because after that revelation, it will cost you your friend”. Ignorance can truly be bliss at this point.
My dear friend whom I used to love with all my hear. It pains me to even consider cutting you out of my life slowly but surely. Its so secondary school and oh so angsty to a certain degree but I think deep down we both know its necessary. You’ll never find out about the revelation but as my last gesture of friendship for your saving grace, I promise that you’ll never know & never find out.
One day, when the time comes and when my absence is felt, you may feel some pain. But do not worry, know in your heart that it is only temporary and nothing compared to what I have saved you from.