10 simple ways to get out of trouble with your girlfriend
“It’s obviously your fault”/“you need to start dieting”/“you’re just like your mother”/“There is no way in hell I’m saying sorry when its your fault”
are clearly the things you say when you want world war 3 at the end of a long hard day.
Now when that inevitable ‘oh-oh’ time comes, that fateful moment when you know you’ve fucked up. You’ve made your apologies. You’ve cleaned up your mess and got your shit together but somehow things just aren’t the same. There’s still this tiny tinge of in-explainable tension between you and your girlfriend/wife. Sure, they verbally say they’ve forgiven you (even though we all men know that they have a part to play as well but we let it slide) but deep down inside you know that’s not true.
so here’s a simple guide to those of you who have been in a relationship for a long time and like me, face many moments where the Mrs has had it up to here with me and how I get out of my mess and 100% off-the-hook.
DISCLAIMER : may not work for everyone! if your girlfriend’s a class-A bitch and you know it, then God bless your merry little soul for no one but an exorcist can help you.
Before we get moving on, I just want you to know that this guide generally covers getting out of GENERAL messes like you know, you messed up the kitchen. or you broke something of hers. If you’re caught cheating or doing anything despicable you need therapy not a blog post.
This post also gives you solutions when you KNOW that you’re completely at fault and wish to make amends and not just to pacify a bitchy partner.
(my wife made me type that last sentence btw #irony)
A lot of guys misunderstand this simple gesture. But try not to get flowers only when you do something wrong cos this gets real old real fast. If you get flowers often , its more of a reaffirmation of your romantic feelings toward her. If you get flowers only when you’re wrong/on anniversaries or special days, it will be seen as a gesture for moment you know what i mean?
There are many florists who offer flower delivery services but my personal favourite is poppy flora studio because you can give them an entire year worth of special dates and they’d call to remind and check in with you what kind of bouquet you’d like to sent. Something like a personal concierge of floristry.
They also organize classes whereby couple can learn how to put a bouquet of exotic flowers together.
2. Cook a meal
nothing says sorry like spending 4 hours in a kitchen , slaving over a hot stove while you ‘master-chef’ a couple of dishes and surprise her when she’s home. She’ll see that you appreciate her efforts in the kitchen and it gives you plenty of topic to talk about before your 15th apology during dinner.
Plus, if she’s nice about it, she’d offer to do the dishes BUT DO NOT FALL FOR IT. It’s a trap and unless you want to go back to step number 1, decline it with a smile.
You can however play it up a notch and offer to do the dishes together. That will give you some time to work together as a couple and iron out your issues.
3. Clean up the bedroom.
men are natural slobs. We do have our neat freak moments but some of us (like me) have nasty habits of leaving junk all over the place. So make an effort to clean up the place and make a resolution that you’ll never dirty it again and will keep up more after yourself.
4) Plan a couple’s day out.
I know how hard it is to plan a day out. Weekdays are filled with work , OT hours and rush hour traffic all the way home till the point where you just want to crash the moment you get home. Weekends are crowded as fuck everywhere and you’d be competing for space with families with children, teens on holidays, foreign workers on their off-days and many many more. This can add tension and will be another reason for a fight.
So why not just plan a day where you both take a day off. Better still, my lifehack is to take 1.5 days off work. Take it on a Thursday when most people are at work (majority of folks take leave on a Friday) , so you guys can wake up; dress up to go to work and leave the office right before lunch. You can eat together, take in a romantic movie/stroll , then have drinks and sleep in on a Friday morning before doing the same thing again if you’d like 🙂
5) Outsource your apology!
If you haven’t heard of a website called Fiverr.com where people will do almost anything for $5, you should really go over there right now and take a look. Over at the right is a category called “Fun and Bizarre” where you can source for creative ways to apologize. Like this gig whereby you can get Jesus Christ to record a message for you.
Seriously how can your girlfriend not forgive you when the lord almighty asks her to? 😛
6) Unleash the anger
Leave a note and a water gun or a Nerf blaster outside the house that says that they’re allowed to hunt you down. you get a 30 second head start and will start hiding and at the end of 10 minutes or so , she can’t be angry anymore. By the end you both will be laughing so hard she’ll probably forget why she got mad in the first place. Ps , be sure to let her actually find you to shoot you!
7) Make a handmade card
It’s a little childish but who cares? its cute! Remember when you were a kid and you used to draw pictures on handmade cards? you don’t need to be an artist or a great poet to write a handmade card. Just enough to get the message across as colorfully as possible and show that you put effort in it!
Give her a full body massage that leads to nowhere but sleep. period
9) Get creative with an apology pad
Purchase an Apology Pad and use it to explain your infraction.
A fun way to express that you were in the wrong! Sign and write the date & time of the incident together with your mistake and then mark off all the reasons you behaved the way you did.
10) Ask McDonalds for help.
Order her favourite Macdonalds food and in the comments section, write that you’ll give the delivery rider a $5 to $10 tip if he delivers a message for you like when the doorbell rings he says
‘Charles would like to say he is sorry and offers a peace-offering of food to fill your tummy and earn your forgiveness’
That being said, there are tons of creative ways to get you off the hook but it will never replace a good old-fashion sense of responsibility. A man must never be afraid to admit his mistakes and make amends. Cheers & peace out y’all!